My Heartache Cowboy

Can love conquer all?

Jimmy Rafferty and Eddie Molina go way back at the J-Bar ranch. They’ve worked together, bunked together, camped out, and drank together. So how has Jimmy failed to notice that Eddie is gay? Eddie has not failed to notice that his friend has a serious drinking problem, and he’s determined to help Jimmy kick the booze cold turkey.

Taking him up to a snowbound cabin to detox, Eddie is confronted with Jimmy’s fierce denial. But the pains of withdrawal are nothing for Jimmy compared with the heartache of denying his true feelings and his deep longing…for the one man who cares for him more than anyone else on earth.




When I woke, I was alone and the truck wasn’t moving.
Who the hell did Eddie think he was, leaving me asleep by
myself in a truck outside in the freezing cold? My pa and my older brother,
Jonas, used to do that. We’d be on the road, and when I fell asleep, they’d
leave me in the parking lot of some dive bar or motel—just leave me asleep
outside in the dark. I’d wake up with no clue where I was, no idea if they were
coming back or if I should go in and try to find them.
My first useful thought was to look for the keys, because I
hadn’t forgotten what Eddie said. I hadn’t forgotten the plans him and boss
Malloy made for me behind my back. It would serve them right if I up and
hightailed it back to the J-Bar with Eddie’s truck and no Eddie.
Not like that was going to stop me. Where the hell did
Eddie get the idea I’d go quietly? I slid over and tore the wiring out from
under the dash. Found what I needed without hardly even looking.
I hated waking up alone like that. Unwanted. Abandoned.
One twist. Two. Touch the wires together and the engine
should . . .
What the hell? I checked I got the proper color-coated
strands and tried again. I was frowning down at the mess of tangled wire when someone tapped on the window behind me.
I glanced up and saw Eddie frowning down, no doubt pissed
at what I’d done to his truck. Serves you right for leaving me
like that, you prick.
“You need a working engine for that,” he told me as he
opened the door. “One that has a battery.”
“Fuck you.” I spilled out of the car ready for a fistfight.
“What?” Eddie jumped back.
“Why did you have to leave me like that? What did I ever do to you?”
Eddie shook his head at me. “I don’t have a clue what
you’re talking about. You were sound asleep and I thought maybe you needed it.”
I took a swing at him. “I hate waking up alone in a car
like that.”
Ed plucked my fist from the air and peered at me like he
was trying to see through my skin. “I didn’t know.”
“I hate that. Left behind in the car like a damn dog. Like
a fucking duffel bag. You can’t be bothered to even wake me up and take me in
out of the fucking snow.”
Now Eddie frowned like he was thinking about it. Now, after
the fact. “I’m sorry, Jimmy. I didn’t think how you’d feel waking up alone like
that. I won’t do it again.”
“Would have served you right if I took your truck and left
you up here to walk back to civilization, wherever the hell that is. Would have
served you right if I’d died out here.”
“All right, all right. Simmer down now.”
I glared at him. “Fuck you.”
“It’s pretty civilized inside. How about you come in with
“How about you suck my fucking—”
“That’s enough.” He turned and headed toward the cabin’s
welcoming front door. “I almost didn’t bother to disable the damn thing, but I
thought on the off chance you knew what you were doing and could—”
“Which I did,” I pointed out.
“Come inside.” He jerked his chin toward the cabin like I
was a dog and I was supposed to just follow along and yip around at his heels.
I debated making a run at him, but frankly, Eddie was a
tough buzzard. He wasn’t too much older than me, just forty-two compared to my
thirty-eight. But I was a lover, not a fighter, or at least that’s how I
thought of myself. Back there on the road, Eddie had proved he wasn’t above
using violence to get his way in this, so I went along.
You’re going to have to sleep sometime.
Eddie led me into a rustic-looking cabin that seemed awful
nice for the middle of nowhere. There was a place for us to hang our hats just
inside the door, over a table with a passel of pictures on it. There were old
time black-and-whites of families and framed pictures of a good-looking man, a
pretty woman, and some kids. There were some of the kids alone, and holy cow, there were probably a dozen pictures of Ed. He
looked so young in a couple of them, they must have been from before we met.
One of Ed and the unknown man caught my eye. Something
about the difference in height, the casual way they leaned together, the way
they looked at each other, made me think this was Ed’s friend from the road,
Don. Even though they’d both aged some since it was taken, I was almost sure of
No knobby hands, no weathered angel, this Don was good
looking, without a doubt. He was lanky and chiseled. He had an intelligent face
and a smile that drew the eye. He seemed sure of himself and charming. Whatever
I’d seen in the darkness outside the car had to be a trick of the light.
Ed looked so young and earnest next to him it took my
breath away. Brawny and tan, he wore a yoked Western shirt with the sleeves
rolled up past well-muscled forearms and he eyed Don like he would follow him anywhere.
And that Don, he looked like he could appreciate a guy like
Ed, as well.
Hadn’t I seen firsthand how much he did appreciate him?


About the Author

Z. A. Maxfield started writing in 2007 on a dare from her children and never looked back.  Pathologically disorganized, and perennially optimistic, she writes as much as she can, reads as much as she dares, and enjoys her time with family and friends. Three things reverberate throughout all her stories: Unconditional love, redemption, and the belief that miracles happen when we least expect them.If anyone asks her how a wife and mother of four can find time for a writing career, she’ll answer, “It’s amazing what you can accomplish if you give up housework.”



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